Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My Brother's Christian Wedding

Since my brother is Christian and my sister-in-law is Hindu, they had two wedding ceremonies: the first, Hindu, and the second (which was this past weekend) was Christian. In addition to their religious differences, the weddings differed in size. The Hindu wedding had about 550 guests, and the Christian wedding had about 65 guests.

Basically, the Christian wedding guests were some of our parents' local friends, some of my sister-in-law's immediate family (including her brother's fiance), our grandfather, and our uncle and aunt and cousins from PA (father's side). My sister-in-law's brother was best man, and I was the maid of honor. Since the wedding colors were green and ivory, I wore a long green Grecian-style dress, and my brother and the best man had light green, similarly patterned ties. My mom wore a elegant textured red skirt suit, and my sister-in-law's mother wore a red-pink and gold sari — definitely not typical mother of the groom/bride outfits.

The ceremony itself was simple and straightforward. The wedding party processed into the chapel. First the parents were asked if they were happy with the marriage. After a hymn, three readings (mine was Psalm 139, with a reference to murder edited out), and the minister's reflection, the couple exchanged vows. They didn't do the "for richer or poorer…" vows repeated in American movies. Instead, they were more poetic: "to laugh with you in joy, to grieve with you in sorrow…" My mom wrote the vows as interlocking rings on the wedding pulpit hanging she made, which made for a crisp, straightforward, yet also very profound addition to the stone chapel. After the vows, the minister announced my brother and sister-in-law as married. We sang another hymn before the recessional.

Between the ceremony and the cocktail/lunch reception was the family photo shoot. Since the number of family members at this ceremony was much lower than the Hindu wedding, there were fewer family groups to coordinate. While it was a little annoying to break away from conversing with our guests to be photographed, there are very few occasions in our family for nice photos. In particular, this wedding was the first time our PA cousins and our grandfather were in the same place with us in about 5 years, which is a special occasion in itself. (We see our cousins and our grandfather each about twice a year, but rarely at the same time).

The guests went to the reception, which was held in an event room at the Boston Science Museum, in a yellow school bus, which seemed appropriate for the venue. The wedding party and my grandfather piled into a limo. It was my first time in a limo, and I was expecting it to be very exciting. In fact, I found it uncomfortable to get into and out of the limo, since I had to slide along a very long curved bench in a long dress and heels while it was raining outside. However, arriving at the museum was a lot of fun. There was an elementary school group in the main lobby, and once they saw my sister-in-law in her gown, they started clapping and cheering. We were also admired in the elevator to the reception room. It was a lot like being in a celebrity's entourage, except without the fear of being blasted in gossip magazines.

In addition to the joy of celebrating my brother and sister-in-law's wedding, I had the unexpected gift of the first long, uninterrupted grownup conversation I've had with my PA aunt. We ended up talking about her wedding, which happened when she was my age, and how she and my uncle fell in love on their first date. But we also ended up covering a lot of family history, Catholicism, Judaism, and how her life has taken a path entirely different from what she imagined (but, in the end, in a positive direction). After having little snippets of grownup exchanges on Facebook in the form of wall messages and comments on each other's statuses, it was a joy to learn more about her not just as an aunt, but as a fellow adult. It's peculiar, being in transition from relating to your relatives (and grown-up acquaintances) as being "too old" to relate to, to starting to be able to relate to them not quite as equals, but as people. But it's a good feeling, one I was most aware of on this joyous occasion.

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